watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
