I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
