He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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