his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
