I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
