Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
