she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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