I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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