Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
