you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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