I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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