I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
