I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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