the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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