He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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