I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
