Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
