I wish I could teleport
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
