for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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