2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
