You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
