I'm gonna have a badass scar
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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