I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
either way he was missing a nipple.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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