hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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