So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
