But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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