Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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