if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
