I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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