I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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