I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
