why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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