i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I woke up under a house in Key West
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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