Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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