It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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