i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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