I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
