im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
