ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
