38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
