I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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