Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
