Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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