So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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