you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
