i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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