Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We're too hungover to prance.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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