I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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