Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Even my vagina gasped.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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