I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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