somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
