I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
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All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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