i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Alive.
So much puke
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
