It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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