It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize