He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
