I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
