He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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