We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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