She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize