She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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