So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i will never coherently bang her
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
