i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
