Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize