Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
