is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
